Dr. Strangelove or: How I Learneded to Stop Shit Talking and Ambivalently Tolerate Taylor Momsen

So the "surprise" face of Madonna & Lourdes Maria's clothing line, Material Girl, is Taylor Momsen. The hints that were dropped over who it would be were supposed to be um, well, hints, or something, but they were actually pretty blatant and obviously geared towards Momsen. WWD hinted the spokes model was "on a hit teen drama series and is known for her frayed, rocker-tinged style off-screen." Oh gee, that doesn't exactly scream Shanae Grimes, does it?

I think Madonna's camp was on point with this pr stunt. The whole Who's-That-Girl going to be scheme regarding Momsen's identity was probably cleverly calculated. Taylor Momsen gets more attention than most teenage celebs out there right now, and I think without the buzz of her being attached to the project, I don't think anyone would really care about Madonna's clothing line. I can't remember the last time her fashion sense was relevant. If I had to wager a guess I'd say her Blonde Ambition/Like A Virgin era was the last time she was styled well, and coincidentally that's the exact look Taylor Momsen emulates.

It's too bad Lourdes Maria isn't in the spotlight more. Madonna has her in check. Lourdes is adorable and pretty and could probably be a major starlet if she wasn't raised with these restrictions:

Above: the rules for child visitation rights Guy Richie must adhere to when his kids see him according to Madonna


Anyway, back to Momsen.




I read a lot of pop culture blogs/gossip websites and Taylor Momsen is pretty much hated by the readers who take the time to post comments about how much they can't stand her. I don't have a solid opinion of her, really. However, in three short seasons of Gossip Girl, her character of Jenny went from being the most awful little snot on the screen to the only person on the entire show I didn't want to kick repeatedly in the crotch, so she has that going for her. Also, popular criticism of her is that she smokes (gasp!) and dresses like a Cherie Currie/Courtney Love hybrid. The latter just annoys me. I firmly believe that if The Runaways hadn't just come out, 95% of blog commentators would have no clue who the hell Cherie Currie was. And since I have known who she was since I was 16, I feel more entitled than those people.



However, even though I get more annoyed by Taylor's haters than I do by Taylor, it's easy to pick on her when she is known for saying some really bonehead things during interviews... like this tidbit when asked about the earthquake in Haiti this past Januaray:

"Um, right now I’m trying to just finish my record and getting through the last season of Gossip Girl for right now. So not so much thinking about that."

Added Taylor, “But it’s awesome that everyone is ya know working towards a good cause.”


The next quote is actually one I agree with completely almost completely. Apparently Taylor doesn't like to be compared to Miley Cyrus:


"I’m not looking to be Miley fucking Cyrus. I don’t care about the fame. I do it because I love music. I like making records and if people like them, then we’ll go along for the ride. ... I’m not dissing Miley personally. However, I do think the Disney bubblegum shit that the world is living right now is pathetic. I thought we passed that repression. I don’t know Miley, but musically we’re different. To compare us because of our age is silly."

Oh Taylor. Taylor, Taylor, Taylor. Don't use big words you don't understand. Recording bubblegum top 40 pop music is hardly repression. And Miley is sort of doing her own thing these days to distance herself from the Disney image. Also, you'd sound more convincing and less like a little girl trying to sound mature if you didn't swear so much when the press is getting quotes from you. I couldn't care any less that you have the mouth of a drunken sailor, but it's pretty obvious thoughtless quotes like these fuel the fire of your haters.

Not that I think you even remotely care.




Usually when I see pictures of her, I think she looks good. But before I defend her slightly, I have one tangent I need to go off on...




These shoes. I don't hate them on her as much as I hate the fact that they exist. Stripper Chic is a style I will never get behind. The stripper shoe rage hit the runway last fall big time. Lanvin has plexiglass stripper shoes. Prada has plexiglass stripper heels. Fendi has them (holy hell, while searching for designer stripper heels I found these, and hello, I love them. Overt and over the top, yes, but I am a sucker for tulle) and I am sure a billion other designers has them. I find this laughable. I doubt any woman who would wear these would ever entertain the idea of actually becoming a stripper, but buying some cheap hooker heel from BeBe or the Jessica Simpson line from Victoria's Secret is not at all out of the question. These are the same kind of chicks who claim pole dancing is something they want to try because "it's great exercise." Uh, so is yoga, and yoga merely requires you to stretch and breathe simultaneously, not have a pole installed in your house.


I take it back. Taylor Momsen wearing stripper heels with crumpled up dollar bills in the "tips" toe annoys the shit out of me. She's 16 and she looks absolutely idiotic.



I don't agree with teenage celebrities developing a striper girl personae in order to segue in to adulthood, but I do understand being 17 and saying completely ridiculous things that I thought sounded provocative when I was growing up.

What I agree with even less is how she gets trashed so much on the internet. The most common insult hurled at her is that she is "trying to be different" when she isn't. Well, I dare you to find one quote of hers where she makes this claim. Not only that, there is nothing different about her look. Maybe if she dressed like a wench at a Renaissance Festival and was in to LARPing instead of fronting a rock bad, the whole "trying to be different" claim would make sense. But it doesn't, she's just a teenager who likes to dress like a ho. That's not so different than most little skags I see walking around New York City.

Taylor Momsen is 17. She may be a little wanna-be Courtney Love lookalike, she may say retarded things to the press, but she's a teenager. If there is any time she is supposed to be making mistakes and learning from them, it's now. Plus, she is legitimately making some pretty decent music. I don't expect celebrities to be saints because they're in the spotlight. I do think they should be talented in their craft though, and as far as singing goes, I think she does that really well.

Decide for yourselves...

Pillsbury Dough Face

There are exactly two things I like about John Mayer.

1. Reading interviews he has done or quotes he has quipped that validate my humble opinion that he is a raging dickwad.

2. His guitar face.



I have never liked John Mayer. I remember when "I wanna run through the halls of my high school, I wanna scream at the toppa my lungs!" came out and I thought it would be the pop song of the summer that adult contemporary fans would love. You know, a song along par with "Breathless" by the Corrs. "Bleeding Love" by Leona Lewis. Or something edgy, like "Clocks" by Coldplay! I figured he'd be a one hit wonder, at best, and that would be that.

Then that atrocity "Your Body Is A Wonderland" came out and all bets were off. My revolting roommate at the time who was a raging slut loved this song, and would play it every weekend while she reminisced about the last random dong she had taken inside of her. So that's one thing. The other is the lyric "your bubblegum tongue." I'm a very visual person, and I tend to see imagery in a very cartoonish style at times, so imagining John Mayer chewing on my slutty roommates tongue like a wad of Hubba Bubba grossed me out, to put it mildly.



So his first record comes out, we get the class reunion song, bubble gum tongue song, and maybe one other single on the charts and it's decidedd: this dough boy is the king of easy listening. No big deal. A lot of musicians make a decent living this way. Barry Manilow, for example. Or Peabo Bryson.

But NOOOO! John Mayer now has to tell the world incessently from that point on in 2002 until about 5 minutes ago that's not his deal. That's not his sound. This man is a blues guitarist! He swears to God!!

I ponder this and I wonder about those other people from the celebrity past who has insisted to be known as one thing when we, their public, know them as what they really are.

Perfect example: Jennifer Love Hewitt.



How many articles did you read on her in the late 90's or early 00's where she'd swear that people only referred to her as "Love?" I can think of several dozen. The journalist would be like, "We met up with Jennifer Love Hewitt inside the lobby of the Chateau Marmont (but really, those closest to her refer to her as only Love)..." and seriously? No they did not. This was a poorly executed publicity thing where you know Jenny's agent was confirming an interview with Sassy or something and saying that her rider included diet coke, sun chips, and a mention in the article to please please please call her Love.

I'm not buying it!

Another example: Puff Daddy.



First he was Puff Daddy, and to his friends, Puff. Then he was on trial for attempted murder and J Lo dumped him, and to make the public forget that he somehow got off without a scratch while Shyne took the heat for him, he changes his nickname to P. Diddy. He claims it's because that is what Biggie called him, but hello? Nobody asked you where the origin of the nickname came from, we merely wondered why you changed it. It's not going to make us forget you were on trial for attempted murder.

Then he switched it to Diddy. How do I know this? I think he held a press conference about it or something. Or he made an announcement before an episode of Making The Band, I'm not sure. Anyway. You're name is Sean Combs. Stick with that, it's the nicest sounding name of all.




John Mayer decided to show us all that he was a heavy rock 'n roller with his second album so he cleverly named it Heavier Things. Singles included "Bigger Than My Body" which is a dorky song to say the least and "Daughters" which is a ballad about birthing babies. Heavy.

It was about this time around that the John Mayer Is A Cheeseball backlash began. I would hear all these people, fans of Mayer, argue that he is really not a pop star. He is really a blues guitarist. And allegedly a really good one. And for a second I believed it, in fact I almost left an FYE with a John Mayer LP because the guy who worked there helped me find a Pet Shop Boys import which led to a really smart discussion about new wave bands I'd never heard of and wanted to download when I got home was a JM fan and he almost convinced me to buy Heavier Things. Almost. Sorry for that run on sentence. Onward.

Then I start reading John Mayer articles and I see the same thing I saw with Jenny Love; the writer always bringing up how the dude is a balls out thrashing riffing rip roaring blues guitarist.

His third record gives us the single "Waiting on the World to Change" which won a Grammy for Best Male Pop Vocalist. Quite petulantly I rest my case.

Then he disappeared for awhile, and started dating Jessica Simpson Sexual Napalm and hanging out with Pete Wentz and he emerged with Travis Barker style full sleeve tattoos and Tyler Durden hair. It was then my dislike turned in to downright loathing, but two things very quickly made all the animosity go away. One was the preposterous things he said in interviews. I didn't read the Playboy one, but the Rolling Stone article was enough to make me want to choke him sadistically.

The second of course, are his guitar faces.

Gosh, I hope Michael Bay is reading this!

Heidi Montag apparently filed for legal separation today in L.A.

My first thought when I saw this picture was...



People still wear black Uggs?

Nice aviator style sunglasses, Heidi! They convey the privacy you so yearn for. Don't worry, nobody thinks you called the paparazzi yourself on your way to the court house, really. There there..


Wow, this photo op seems to be every paparazzo's dream come true. I mean, here was Heidi Montag just sitting next to a little pond, looking sad and confused, trying to make sense of her scattered thoughts about her destructive marriage when a photographer happened to find her and capture the moment for the entire world to see.



People still wear velour running suits? Wait! You think these pictures are suspicious, maybe even staged? You don't think they're actually "candid"? Surely you jest!



Gosh Jen, I don't know what to do. I've never been more confused in my whole life...




Jen Bunney touches Heidi's arm gently and says:
Heidi, I am here for you. You can always count on me...

Rumor has it this is all a stunt to promote Heidi & Jen Bunney's desperate reality show (shocker!) which so help me God I will not watch.

Heidi is a train wreck I love to make fun of, but yuck. I have never liked that skank Jen Bunney.