Finger, Throat, Barf

Dude, I get it. I get that women have historically had a hard time achieving emotional independence and self-actualization due to the sexist nature of society. But at the very least, women should kinda sorta try out that whole autonomy thing a little bit before they get married, or, seriously involved in a relationship that they’re not emotionally mature enough to handle. Just a thought.

Then we get that pile of garbage Eat Pray Love.



No, I never read the book so I can't say for sure if it's the worst memoir ever written, but my hunch is that is sucks. I did watch the memoir's author, that self absorbed Elizabeth Gilbert, give a speech at the TED conference and it was easily one of the worst videos I have ever watched. I'll share it with you here so you too can wonder how you can get those 19 minutes back.

From what I've been told, Eat Pray Love is the true story of Elizabeth Gilbert, and it's about her journey as a confused self involved wife who leaves her husband to go on a god damned vacation in search of herself. So naturally Julia Roberts is the perfect choice to play her in the movie.




LOVE the poster. It features Julia Roberts impishly enjoying some dick ice cream on an Italian park bench because she is finding herself, while some nuns also enjoy ice cream, probably because the word PRAY is in the title. By jove you've done it again, Poster Masters.


Apparently I am not the only one around here who thinks this movie looks completely unbearable. Someone else out there fixed the poster to recreate what sort of image this movie really portrays, someone else has the keen observation skills like me (don't you dig my writing skills? I'm like Elizabeth Gilbert! Bad at writing and obsessed with myself!) Well done:



Also, I am not sure if this is real or not, but this book (while probably equally self-involved) sounds more entertaining:

Just sayin'

Watching The Real Housewives of New Jersey is a weekly obsession of mine, and along with the rest of the planet, Danielle is the hot mess I love to hate.

I'm not ashamed of my addiction to the housewives. But I am embarrassed to be utterly enthralled with their Bravo Blogs. It's complete, unadulterated madness. No fancy TV editing, no set ups, just the housewives spewing their crazy.

Danielle's is by far my favorite.

If you've ever taken a moment to wonder if she is really as demented as she's portrayed on TV, rest assured in her very own words, she's worse than you could possibly imagine.

I wouldn't want to be on this crazy bitches bad side so I'll stop for now... she only lives one town away from me.





Love & light!

Is that the best you can do?

Lost & Buffy The Vampire Slayer's show titles have both been favorites of mine in the past, not only because they usually sounded pretty and imaginative, but because they hinted at a deeper meaning regarding what the episode would be about.

Breaking Bad is now a front runner for my favorite "titled" shows. A few weeks ago I couldn't figure out what the title "I.F.T." could mean, but once Skylar told Walt very simply, "I fucked Ted," it all made sense.

This past Sunday Breaking Bad was titled "Kafkaesque." I needed to re-educate myself on the formal definition of the phrase in order to see how it relates to the show, because like Jesse Pinkman, I thought when something was Kafkaesque, it just meant it was really fucked up. Like, waking up one day and realizing you'd turned in to a giant cockroach and your entire family now hates your guts.

I consulted Wikipedia and I'll cut/paste their definition since it explains it better than I can. "[Kafkaesque] would be an existentialist state of ever-elusive freedom while existing under immitigable control...anything suggestive of Kafka, especially his nightmarish style of narration, in which characters lack a clear course of action, the ability to see beyond immediate events, and the possibility of escape."

Kafkaesque applies not only to this particular episode but the major themes of the show in general.

For Jesse, fun times are over.




Jesse's checked the numbers "like ten times" and he has figured out that the bottom line is he's doing all the work and not getting paid what he wants for it, and he is pissed. Like Walter, Jesse's motivation is not just the money but the power, he even referred to himself as an outlaw. Becoming a millionaire is not satisfying enough for him if he is, in his mind, being played by the boss he "isn't even good enough to meet." And God forbid he has to pay taxes.



Walt now knows for sure that any illusion he has of being in charge is just that. The scenes between him and Gus were tense, and frankly Gus scares the bejesus out of me. He seems calm and level headed but the man is hardcore. The talk the two men had had ended on a professional, mutual agreement, but clearly Walt is feeling a bit helpless and out of control.



Cue to him playing chicken going 90 MPH with an eighteen wheeler, skidding off the road, and then using his blinker to ease back in to the driving lane.




What I found most interesting about the show was the Los Pollos Hermanos commercial in the beginning of the episode. In the fine print, the fake ad read: "Los Pollos Hermanos, Inc., is a registered trademark of Madrigal Electromotive GmbH" and this reminded me of Lost, the Hanso Foundation, and Widemore Enterprises. I think the writers of Breaking Bad could be following suit and hinting at larger players, as well as hints to dig further online for clues about what's going to happen on Breaking bad. And I'm not surprised at all that Los Pollos, Inc, has a Facebook page.


Another great Sunday night. This episode proved we don't need bloody parking lot gun shoot outs for this show to be outstanding every week.

Somebody is very mad at Kobe

I can't stop looking at these incredible pictures of Kobe Bryant! They make no sense and yet I am plagued with questions!



Who the heck did Kobe piss off? Was it just the stylist that day or is there something deeper here? Was he trying to channel Grace Jones or was that accidental?



Oh, but there is more....






My theory is that whoever produced the initial photo shoot was avenging the alleged rape of Aunt Grace:

Ol' Fiddle Face

I really want to like Treme, but Fiddle Face is making it difficult for me:



That face she makes when she plays is hard to look at. I know I am being melodramatic but seriously, I look away when she is writhing with her fiddle and bow. Or flip side, I can't avert my gaze and then I cringe at her facial expressions.

Initially I thought she was making the face because she was pretending to play her violin and that was her way of acting like a musician. Then I read that the actress who plays Annie the fiddler player, Lucia Micarelli, is a trained concert violinist. So I stand corrected.

I'll continue to watch Treme, though. Last night marked the sixth episode of the premiere season, and the shows intricate story lines are picking up. Last week, when the police officer that Toni was confronting about Antoine's stolen trombone, he said, "the wheels are off the cart...and the crime is coming back and we ain't ready. But you want to talk about a trombone." Toni's face after absorbing his comment said it all: things are about to get grimy.

I don't read any spoilers for Treme so I'm not sure what is on the horizon for Annie, but knowing Treme's creator David Simon and his affinity for getting r id of well liked characters on The Wire, I think her future is grim. Last night's episode where her boyfriend slapped her reinforced my opinion about this, but it's just a guess.

This site breaks down and explains the idiosyncrasies and local inside expressions and references regarding New Orleans and the show Treme. Once again David Simon weaves a tight and cohesive story, and that's no surprise at all.

Pardon me, do you have any Jizz?

Fugly trend alert!

I will never forget the looks of disgust I received many years ago when I described the color of a dress that I'd be wearing in an upcoming wedding as "the color of semen." My roommates boyfriend suggested I used the word 'pearl' instead when describing the taffeta dress in the future, and I learned my lesson.

Bleach Black has not learned the lesson! The company decided to cash in on the appeal (?) of this marvelous color and has produced a milky white nail color called "Jizz." While I admire the audacity of the name choice (it's better than the not so subtle lipstick color "Wet Kitty" by Vincent Longo from a few years back) I am grossed out by the actual nail color. I don't think it'll look attractive on anyone, even olive skin tones.

I wonder why they didn't create a corresponding lip color?