J Bob

I guess I have to admit I watch the Hills if I am going to post about it.
And also, it's riveting spin-off, The City.

It drives me insane that I waste brain cells on these shows because I know they're completely scripted and the "drama" is fake. But this season on both shows I have decided to look at them with new perspective with this knowledge.

On the Hills we have Speidi, who make their living off of pretending this garbage is real and in conclusion their lives and 'reputations' have essentially been soiled for life because of it.

On The City we have the very reputable Elle magazine and it's very real creative director Joe Zee.



His 'employee' socialite Olivia Palermo makes it a weekly habit to make Joe Zee look like a blithering idiot.



Olivia is often given direct orders to do, you know, her job, and she thanks her superiors and lets them know she'll take their suggestions under advisement, then she ignores them and continues to make them look like idiots. If it were real, it'd be flabbergasting, but since it's fake, it's merely questionable. You'd think someone like Joe Zee would mind looking like a full on retard every week, but he just continues to bic his pumpkin head and wear skinny ties.


Then we have this.



Whitney Port used to be cute but now she just gives off this vibe that she smells like dirty underwear and ass. And once I get that vibe about someone it is impossible to shake. She disgusts me.

This week she found a dress in a magazine covered in feathers, it looked like something Christian Siriano did on Project Runway, um, 2 1/2 years ago. Port went on to tell her friend that she wanted to design something like that. Isn't the kitsch word of the year "fashion forward"? What a lame copycat. Perhaps Port needs to watch Anna Wintour on 60 Minutes from 5/3/2010 describing that mediocrity is exemplified by designers who steal from other designers...and it should be noted Christian Siriano stole 85% of his aesthetic from Vivienne Westwood.

Anyway, Whitney threw a pity party for herself when Joe Zee and Anne Slowey gave her a critique that a million of no-name designers would have paid cash money for. I'd like to add that Anne Slowey redeemed herself when she told Whiteny that she wasn't a "real designer yet." In case you're wondering what Anne Slowey needed redemption for, you remember Stylista, right?


The ONLY person on The City who seems to resemble a thinking humanoid with a brain that functions properly is Erin.




NOW ON TO THE POINT OF THIS ENTIRE POST (I went off on a bit of a tangent re:The Shity)...

Anyone else think Justin Bobby was totally hot playing drums in his band on The Hills this week? Yes. Justin Bobby. The boring hair stylist who burps on dates. This guy:



So this week on the Hills, the episode starts out with Kristin & the pointless extra "Stacie The Bartender" discussing how they have no men in their lives to plow them. Exciting stuff.

Cut to Lo randomly having lunch with Brody Jenner's new prop, McKaela, and giving her false advice on how to handle Brody. What she tells McKaela is to be nice to Kristin and be wary of Brody's motives. What she should have told her was that once the cameras stop rolling, neither Brody nor Kristin will be giving her the time of day but alas, the Wilmer Valdarama wanna-be Frankie will be diving in nose first for sloppy seconds. Then Lo suggests hooking McKaela up with a job at her fake job, Smashbox. Um, Lo works for the Hills. So unless McKaela wants to be key grip, this is more pointless advice.


Audrina went to the Viper Room to check out bands for her pretend-job at Epic Records and behold, we get the return of Justin Bobby. Audrina brings Lo & Stephanie Pratt with her and they all don "rocker clothes." Lo and Stephanie can't believe that Justin Bobby is actually in a band. Lo awesomely says, with not a touch of irony, "I always thought that was a joke?!" Heh. Then Audrina wonders if she should stay or go since seeing Justin Bobby (who probably can't even see her) is "really uncomfortable."

Seriously? Shut it, lollipop with double D cans, this is all you're good for.

Post concert, the three girls talk to an unusually cordial Justin Bobby, who has cut his hair. Then he drives off in the same yellow 1950's style car used in American Graffiti.

Nothing else worth mentioning happened in this craptacular episode of the Hills except Justin Bobby looked hot pounding away on his drum set.

At this point I say they should bring back Enzo, Speidi's 4 year old neighbor who showed us all that anyone can be on this show. Either that or somehow insert Kelly Cutrone into the mix to save this shit.