An Open Letter To James Franco:

James, I'd like to consider us peers. Granted I have never been called the next Andy Warhol like you have, and unlike you my short stories have never been read by anyone other than me, but I'm a writer. You're a writer. I think this gives me the liberty to speak freely with you, alright?

General Hospital has been a guilty pleasure of mine for 15 years. I started to watch it my junior year in high school for one storyline: the relationship of Sonny Corinthos & Brenda Barrett. Vanessa Marcil, who played Brenda, hasn't been on the show since 2004 but needless to say I've continued to watch loyally regardless of her departure. I am invested in General Hospital. When word officially broke about a week and a half ago that Marcil would be reprising her role as Brenda, I was geeking out to say the least.

And then you went ahead and fucked it up for me.

You, James Franco.

I'm sure you know why.
It's because of your character on the show.
The dreaded Franco.



I know soap operas are a genre of television that most people would consider lowbrow, but trust me when I say this: you, James Franco the Golden Globe winner, take this show down several notches.

I know when you first came on last summer to play Franco you said you were just having fun. "Experimenting." You said it was performance art. You also said your stint as Franco would be only for a few months. So why are you plaguing my show with your shitty presences once again?

For those of you who aren't familiar with the character, some background information for you. James, feel free to skip this part, you already know all of this:

James Franco played Franco on General Hospital the summer of 2009. The character is an elusive Parisian artist who uses murder scenes as inspiration. Because of his obsession with death, he wants to work with someone who he considers the greatest "artist" in death, Jason Morgan of General Hospital. Franco does everything he can to get Jason’s attention and then attempts a hilariously awful and badly acted game of cat & mouse before he leaves with the threat that he is not done with Jason yet.

Here is Franco in action.




I know you fancy yourself an artist too, I saw that Cribs episode in 2000 of Marla Sokoloff's house where she proudly displayed the artwork of her boyfriend James Franco above her bed. I know you moved to New York to go to film school and you're off to Yale for your PhD. And if Jeffrey Deitch wants to talk about you and Warhol in the same breath, so be it, who am I to criticize? I get it. I don't have a problem with any of this.


Here's what I do have a problem with.



The video on this link, to start with. I know, you being on the show is straight up laughable, but do you think you can manage to keep a straight face while you discuss the utterly absurd story with the interviewer? Also, the clincher is the wild rumors that the character of Franco will be affianced to my beloved Brenda Barret.



What the hell are you doing? I used to think you were different than those other Hollywood types. I loved you on Freaks & Geeks. Daniel Desario almost trumped Jordan Catalano for me. I thought when you went to film school and applied to grad school you were serious about continuing your education and mastering your craft as an actor, artist, writer, etc. After you broke out in Milk & Pineapple Express, I read you turned down decent film roles because education and art was more important for you. But now, because of this General Hospital garbage (that "garbage" would be your portrayal of Franco) you're just like the rest of those celebrities who get bored and work on side projects which only get the attention they do because they're famous.

Zooey Deschanel's band She & Him comes to mind....or worse, Scarlet Johansson imitating Tom Waits. Kelly Osbourne putting out a dance record comes to mind. I'm sure irritating wenches like Sean Penn & Bono like to think people listen to them ramble on about whatever cause they're masturbating to this month because their prose and credibility is so riveting, but I assure you, it's not. I doubt you want people to experience your "art" simply because you're a famous celebrity.

Go to school. Bang lots of ridiculously hot women. Hang out with Seth Rogen. Write your stories. But if you're going to rip off Kalup Linzy and incorporate his original ideas and work in to the storyline on GH, be prepared to be considered the Kelly Osbourne of the art world. Also, do us a favor and leave General Hospital out of your catalog of work in the future. You're bringing us down.


PS- I can't believe for a second I let Daniel Desario replace Jordan Catalano in my heart. It makes me sick.