My eyes! My eyes!

I'm not sure if any of you have seen the extremely revolting and NSFW nudie photos of Danielle Staub- I'm sorry I did. They're linked all over the internet and trust me, I did you a favor by not showing the ones of her "O" face. They're gnarly. And she leaked them herself! Proof this broad is extremely delusional.




I'm over Danielle. She is a fast and furious crazy train with no destination in sight, she just keeps on going.

I can feel myself getting dumber every minute that passes as I watch this garbage. I feel like I have to read Middlemarch or Finnegans Wake to counteract the stupidity I have endured while sitting on the couch, mouth agape, wondering how it's possible this haggard lady truly believe the bile she spews.

You could ask me why I watch this stuff but I don't have a good reply for you. I'd rather take the physical challenge and attempt to root through your peanut butter filled nostrils for a flag while I try to win an all expense paid trip to Disney World.

Also, I am convinced the producers of these shows get off on grossing the audience out.



It reminds me of my health teacher in high school and the satisfied look she would get on her face when she would show us girls pictures of scabies infested dicks as a means to scare us away from having sex.

So last night we saw the conclusion to Dina Manzo & Danielle's cat fight in Chakra. It ended with shouting, finger pointing, and Dina muttering "Fuck you you stupid crazy bitch," under her breath as she left the restaurant. As a local Jersey girl, I can assure you this goodbye is the norm around here. Nothing shocking here.



Then we saw Danielle pull out her mother goose bifocals as she read an email Dina sent her to her 'friends' who hang on to every word. And why shouldn't they? Danielle's interpretation of the events at Chakra are....interesting to say the least. For one, they're nothing like what we, the viewers who witnessed it with our own eyes, saw transpire. And two, Danielle recounts the event as though she has a soliloquy in community theater. Dramatic pauses, hand motions, blurting out, "Yes! With the hands!" in reference to her hand motions, and she gives Dina a fake Madonna british accent. Seriously.






NOW we get to see Danielle find her sexy side. See, her ex boyfriend Steve, the balding dough boy who claimed to be 26 who looked 46, allegedly stole her confidence when they broke up. So instead of getting a haircut and new lipgloss, or new jeans they way most girls do when they want to feel sexy, Danielle decides to empower women by showing them how she works a pole.



"Always engage...then suggest...."

That's probably a useful tip to any budding stripper but coming from Danielle, it's just nauseating. It doesn't help her that she sounds like she has marshmallows lodged in her throat.



Speaking of being lodged in Danielle's throat, why is this geezer on every episode? At first I didn't care about him one way or the other but I hope he is benefiting from Danielle's bullshit and hanging out with her is paying off for him somehow. He threw dollar bills at her, for christ sake, when she needed a confidence boost. He stood by her side in case Dina or Chris Manzo attempted to murder Danielle in public while being filmed for national television audiences too.



Then we cut to Danielle in a Tweety bird voice say that when she was dancing, she got $20, $50, and $100 bills thrown at her, not singles. Right, because the porn and stripper world is the one place in the last two decades inflation works backwards. I thought when Grandma was dancing, valuable currency in this country were exotic spices and beans. I'll have to consult my civics textbook from third grade.


Next week, the show has a doctor referring to Danielle's "square tit" as a "deformity" and the camera shows a heaping eyeful of underboob.

I don't know how much more I can take.

Phoebe Buffay said it best.